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Don’t worry… Your child is a teenager now!

27 September، 202228 September، 2022By admin

We often hear from parents that they complain and are upset about the behavior of their teenagers, so they cannot deal with them. Every interaction between them ends in quarrels, stubbornness, rebellion, distance, and isolation by the children. Parents are very upset about this, and they get confused about how to reach solutions, bring ideas closer, and communicate between (parents) and their children.

The key to dealing with teenagers

In fact, the secret and key to dealing with teenagers are when parents know the best way they should be following to deal with their teenagers, at this difficult, critical, and important stage in their children’s lives, and for parents to be aware of what this period means and its characteristics, and the reasons behind their suffering in dealing with their teenagers, as the suffering of parents with their teenage sons results from their lack of knowledge and lack of awareness of the features of that stage and the changes that occur to their teenagers, at that stage parents treat their teenagers as children, and they must respond to them in everything, while the children have entered the stage of adolescence, during which they feel independence, preoccupation with themselves, freedom from parental authority, and tend to make their own decisions. Hence, teenagers may make wrong and random decisions due to their insufficient maturity, but the effect of the changes on them makes them stick to making decisions on their own away from their parents.

So what is adolescence and what should we understand about it?

The period of adolescence, comes from the verb rahiq, and it means in the Arabic language a transitional period between childhood and the stage of youth and connects them, in which children go through some psychological, physical, mental, and emotional changes, preparing them to reach the stage of youth, as it is an unstable and difficult period, just like a passenger waiting in transit; to complete his journey towards his destination.

Adolescence is a difficult and dangerous stage

Since this stage is unstable and unclear; This period is accompanied by psychological, mental, physical, and emotional changes. The adolescent is confused, tense, violent, nervous, reckless, impulsive, make wrong decisions, experiences many tensions and problems that the adolescent cannot avoid, and thus falls under psychological and social pressures. Therefore, this stage of adolescents’ life needs special treatment from parents, and therefore it is difficult, and it is also a dangerous stage; Because if it passed in peace, and on the correct educational and foundational principles, care, and good follow-up, the youth stage would be fine, and therefore educators took care of this stage; Because it is a preparatory stage for the important stage of youth, which builds and develops society. If the adolescent grows up properly, it will later make him a responsible young man and a productive member of his society.

Let’s get acquainted with the characteristics that appear in the behavior of a teenager:

First: The teenager tends to prove himself and his abilities, and this leads the teenager to be free from family restrictions, rejecting any guardianship from others, and excessive independence in order to develop an independent personality that proves its ability to face life’s challenges.

Second: Recklessness. Adolescents make hasty decisions without considering their consequences. They think differently, and they have beliefs and viewpoints that may often push them to rush because they are in a stage of clear confusion in the psychological, mental, physical, and emotional aspects…

Third: stubbornness, and this is a clear characteristic in the teenager to prove his manhood, and not to be drawn into his family, because the teenage period is a bridge in which he moves from childhood to manhood, he wants to show his masculinity in front of others, and this feeling generates him a desire to recklessness and stubbornness without thinking about the consequences of things. In addition to his behavior that annoys the parents and the family in general, their mood swings and their imposition of control stem from his desire to prove his new manhood.

Fourth: Adolescents stop paying attention to the actions of their parents and focus on life because they are more concerned with themselves than any external era around them. Because they can’t understand what they’re going through. Parents should be aware of the correct, modern, and effective educational methods that contribute to facilitating the upbringing of adolescents, dealing with them, and building a strong bond between them.

Raising adolescents between roles and misconceptions

27 September، 202228 September، 2022By Mustafa Said

Understanding the nature of things in depth makes things very easy when dealing with them correctly, and to solve any problem; it is necessary to know its truth, causes, motives and the surrounding environment, and it is not much different when raising teenage girls. Many of the girls’ educational problems between them and their fathers and mothers arise as a result of a lack of understanding of girls’ psychology, which may reflect negatively on the role and effort that fathers play towards girls.

In order not to create a polarization between the role parents are entrusted to play and the ideal concept of education in dealing with adolescent girls, it is necessary to understand the roles and responsibilities that parents must play towards raising boys and girls.

In this brief article, we review some tips for parents that will contribute to building a positive relationship between adolescent girls and parents.

Kind words are the key to her heart

By nature, a woman is an auditory personality who is tempted by gentleness and attracted by the sweetness and softness of words. Many situations may be difficult to solve between a man and a woman, but with simple words mixed with kindness and tenderness, these problems are solved as if they had never been.

Parents must take into account this method when dealing with their teenage families, and realize that adolescence is no longer young, as it is a mentality that is formed, a personality that grows and that sees itself in the near future, mother, wife and housewife… The way to a woman’s heart is her ear. Your request is on the verge of verification and acceptance by women in general and teenage girls in particular when you ask for it with sweet and tender words… and adolescence is like any woman in character and way of treatment.

2) Do not deny the nature of the stage

It is normal that a girl in adolescence goes through a series of hormonal changes that affect all vital body processes, including her psychological health… Do not be surprised by the signs of boredom that she emits towards you, meet her anger with a smile, and her grumpy attitude with a loving and caring way.

3) It’s all about communication

Communication with teenage girls may prevent the occurrence of many unfortunate problems.. Failure to communicate in the long run leads to suppression of feelings and sensations that inevitably come one day and explode, and here can happen unimaginable results; Therefore, mothers should be in constant contact with their daughters, and do not give her the chance to fill her time with wrong people or actions, nor for a reckless boy to play with her ears.

4) Ignore the negatives

During adolescence, try to focus on motivation and encouragement more than paying attention to the negatives, and if it calls for some compliment, that’s okay… This is because the personality of the teenager (boy and girl) share pride and self-esteem, as they always see the distinction in their actions and behavior and do not pay attention to others… Therefore… Motivate her and encourage her and exaggerate with her in words of praise and thank.

5) Dear parents, do not be shy!

Finally, education is a science, and its practice is an art that must be mastered, and a person may be ignorant of how to raise, and a father may not have the skill of containing his children and does not know how to deal with them at a certain stage… Here there is no objection to seeking assistance and advice from specialists with expertise.

This does not mean that you are a failed educator or that you are a mother incapable of handling your daughters’ affairs.

Perhaps there are many examples of this. Who among us forgets the man who complained about his wife to Omar Ibn Al-Khattab, and who forgets the boy whose father complained to the Commander of the Faithful Omar -peace be upon him-

Asking for advice was never a weakness or a deficiency, but rather it is a great moral and wise behavior.

Seven Types Parents Adolescents Don’t Like

25 September، 202228 September، 2022By Mustafa Said

Perhaps this title, which is doubtful in its accurate description and expression for you, is what prompted you to read it, and with some surprise and astonishment, you wonder: Are there sons who hate their fathers? Despite their efforts to make them happy, and to provide them with all means of comfort… The shocking answer: Yes… Some behaviors towards our children may be reflected differently from what we really wanted. It was once said “ Talk to me the way I want, not the way you want”… How many people are idealistic in their thinking, deep in their mind and culture, yet many are alienated from him because of the way he deals with others.

The way you deal with your children is the one that may make him a friendly person who will be like a friend or companion to you, and it is the same that may make him rude and bitter, alienate you and stay away from you, and hate to receive anything from you.

In this article, we review a set of behaviors that children hate from parents, especially adolescents when dealing with, and because of this, education may turn from caring and warmth to suffering and enmity between children and parents.

Neglecting the needs and not fulfilling the needs – the negligent father

Father is the head of the family and is responsible for it first and foremost; He is concerned with providing the basic needs of his children such as food, clothing and drink, even if the cultures, customs and traditions differ regarding this aspect. Some families are accustomed to sharing material responsibilities between the father and the mother due to the nature of life, work, the state, society and so on… However, human instinct and monotheistic religions acknowledge and affirm that Men are entrusted with bridging the imbalance and providing for the needs of their children

On this basis, children’s feeling of a deficiency in this aspect will lead to psychological imbalance between them and their fathers, especially the teenage sons, who are in the stage of realization and comparison between them and their peers, classmates and playmates… The father must meet the needs of his son in this aspect according to the environmental and social level in which he lives; So that the son does not feel inferior towards those around him, and then settles in his mind that because of his father’s inability and poverty, he has become less than his friends, so contentment turns into indignation and anger from the son against his father because of what he believes and sees as shortcomings.

Some statements may be exaggerated for you as a father, but the bitter truth is that this is how they think according to the nature of this stage. They do not care that there is a budget for each of the items, and they do not care how much the father receives, and they do not understand that there is an amount saved to rely on in time of need; Therefore, it should be noted that fulfilling the needs of the children at this stage is one of the most important priorities that make you lead the vehicle of education successfully to pass in peace with your children.

Cruelty and coldness of feelings – the stingy father

The miserliness of feelings is one of the harshest types of miserliness.. The son does not understand that being serious all the time is one of the necessities of life and the nature of the age. Always try to assure the teenager that you love him, and do not cut off the tender words of kindness from his ears, as he quickly forgets. He admires his behavior and discipline. The teenager in his thinking resembles the mentality and heart of a woman, who always needs words of praise all the time. Let your heart soften and do not mind learning some sentences and phrases that appeal to the ear and encourage your children with it. This is an important approach that requires study and review, and failing in it will cost you a lot of your life.

Cruelty and harshness do not make a strong young man as some imagine, but rather create an educational gap and a psychological void between father and sons.

Not being respected or appreciated – Foolish Father

The fool is the one who is ignorant of the details of matters and does not manage them accurately… It is foolish for the father or the educator not to know that the first way to reach the heart of the teenager is to appreciate and respect him and to appreciate what he does, no matter how simple it is.

Perhaps you have gone through some cases in which you find a person surrounded by young people, children, adolescents, and sometimes people, big and small, and you wonder about the reason for this turnout, and how can this person possess the minds and hearts of these people and control them with ease?

When this teacher gets excited and looks sharply and intensely, you see everyone fearing him without intimidation or threat, and that coach lengthens the training and weighs on the trainees to a large extent, but everyone enjoys training with him, and there is a manager that people continue to work just because they work with him, they share their lives and the details of their days with him as if they were Childhood friends, unlike others who are only linked to work, so the relationship between them breaks off as soon as it ends.

These models have no explanation other than that the person who captures hearts and owns them is the one who appreciates and respects others… Souls are born with appreciation and are attracted to those who give them their right of honor, as well as the teenager or the child if you want him to appreciate you, and if you want him to respect you, respect him, and know that the teenager is completely alienated from that person who reduces his efforts, and deals with his mentality with superficiality and naivety; Beware of that hated model among teenagers, especially if you are a parent or educator.

Restricting him and exaggerating the restrictions on him – the dictator father

There must be a space of privacy that every person feels, and when this space is violated, he feels distress and suffocation… Therefore there is a difference between monitoring a teenager and sensing his conditions and spying on him. Do not restrict the teenager in his words, actions and movements. This is a stage in which he learns more morals and acquires many qualities, and make sure that mistakes in this stage are inevitable and you are the one who deals with these behaviors, so there must be mistakes and transgressions, It will happen from a child or a teenager, and you have to decide how to deal with it. Preventing children from playing in the street, for example, will not be the solution to ensuring that they are kept from bad friends. Today, technology brings friends to his private room, and blocking the phone from him, for example, will not prevent him from falling into the disadvantages of the Internet. There is an alternative with school friends and clubmates, so you have to immediately stop harassing him, and to exert yourself in creating and learning educational methods that make you only watch him without dominating him or controlling him in a way that bothers him.

Putting him under the pressure of comparison – the disgruntled father

Comparison always puts a person under terrible psychological and moral pressure, and the person who compares himself with others all the time with indignation and resentment, considering that what they have is better than what he has, is an anxious person all the time, because comparison in this way reflects dissatisfaction with himself, and this dissatisfaction creates A state of endless anxiety, and perhaps this is what came in the divine hadith: “If you are content with what I have divided for you, I will comfort your heart and body, and if you are not satisfied with what I have divided for you, then by My Might and Majesty, I will rule over you the world and you will run in it as beasts run in the wilderness. I have a curse”

This is the state of the psyche of a disgruntled person who compares himself to others and grieves for his life… Let alone if you practice this behavior on the teenager and always put him under pressure to compare him with his peers… Make sure that by comparing him with his friend at school does not motivate him to succeed or get rid of a negative or reinforcing habit. From his activity to change himself.

Rather, with this comparison, you make a person with a weak personality, with a broken mental and behavioral structure

Comparison will weaken his self-confidence, and comparison will create a person who is envious of people who does not believe that life is classes and that people are levels, and comparison will make that arrogant person who sees that he is the best and most amazing in everything if the comparison is between him and those who are inferior to him; Therefore, we all have to pay attention to this educational behavior and do not compare your children or your students in school, because in the long run it will be against them and not in their favor.

Intellectual and Physical Isolation – Busy Dad

In one school, a statistic was conducted about the teachers who are popular among their students, and the result was that three of the 30 teachers are more than the students who gather around them.

Yes, it is participation. A teenager loves someone who shares his life details and interests with him, just as you are attracted to someone who talks to you about what occupies you in your life or work, so you should always devote yourself to your son and accompany him.

If there is a rupture between you and your teenage son, and he does not hear you and does not talk to you much, and this of course worries you; You have to try this for a short time. Share with him, talk to him, play with him… and you will find the relationship between you and him completely impossible and you will become the closest friend to him.

Threatening his instead of encouraging him – the bossy father

One of the greatest educational methods is the method of intimidation and encouragement, and it is the most accurate and wisest of values to have a balance between them

Perhaps the Holy Qur’an was the first to consecrate this behavior in a wonderful manner

So you see God – the Almighty – when he talks about the method of punishment followed by the method of reward, and from this towards His saying – the Most High -: “Inform My servants that I am the Forgiving, the Merciful, and that My punishment is the painful punishment.”

There must always be a balance in these two things so that souls do not get tired and get bored… The teenager sees the one who wants him is the person he loves and wants all the best for him, but whoever tries to intimidate and warn him is an authoritarian person who hates him, this is the mentality that we deal with, so we must go down to its level without imbalance What we want to teach him.

Always try to have a varied discourse with the teenager. Do not order him to do such-and-such for the sake of such-and-such.. Rather, tell him that the one who remembers has succeeded.. and that the one who learned this skill has become famous and this is his condition today, and that the one who has taken the path of addiction, for example, is suffering from such and such today. Or is he today inside prison walls?

Always try to convey the matter to him, but not in the verb form of the command. Do not make him feel that you are more than him and have a deeper understanding of the future. Rather, tell him that you appreciate him by what he sees and what he understands, and you just add to him and draw his attention.

Finally

Parents, you have to realize that adolescence is a stage that will inevitably end, and that the most important thing in it is that we control behavior and treat behavior, and you are not required to prevent it from happening or its issuance by your children.

Don’t worry… Your child is a teenager now!

Raising adolescents between roles and misconceptions

Seven Types Parents Adolescents Don’t Like

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